Garybuss,
I totally appreciate your response and concern. In some ways, you are right about the situation in that she has had some other issues in her life that have deeply affected her. But the WT also has been a huge part of her life up until just recently (and we even went to the Memorial this year) when she got DF'd. Basically, she gets in depressed states dwelling on what others in the cong such as elders have said or what they might think, such as feeling she's no good, and that seems to translate into her feeling God not forgiving her or something along those lines. The WT is a big influence on her depressive states, such as when she sees a JW she knows or hears preaching of about any kind, making her feel she's not a good enough person, doing God's will, etc...
I believe you have some good advice there, but I also feel the only way I've been able to get her to think in a way that gives her hope that just because she's been DF'd doesn't equate to her being hated by God and unforgiven, etc. is by trying to show where the WT is far from perfect and not in a place to make harsh judgements on people that affect them to the point where they lose the ability to talk to their own family (such as my wife's situation) and friends, etc.. But I do try to think along the lines you presented as well, trying to be careful not to push my own views on someone else but rather hopefully just present another side to look into that may help.